No, we didn't. We replaced that page with this page. And please don't try to tell Orvan. He thinks he's real. Actually, he knows he is real. So he will just think you mad.

I'm Paul Neubauer, the guy inside the Ox outfit. All the ACME Delivery e-mail comes to me, so any of them will work to contact me, though the gmail address is checked rather infrequently:

Or if postal mail is required:
Paul Neubauer
1831 OAKWOOD AVE
FAIRMONT MN 56031

What does it take to get Orvan to an event?

Mainly, I have to be aware of it and have a reason to go. I don't know everyone and even for those I do know, I don't necessarily know what might work as a delivery for them. I need co-conspirators. The delivery should be a surprise to the recipient, as much as possible. I have a few guidelines for deliveries, but my getting to an event is also limited by travel and finances. To put it simply, I need a room or part of one. This is a changing area, staging area, and sleeping space. Any potential roommates should be aware that I will take many showers: One after every Orvan appearance at a minimum. I also use a significant amount of disinfectant on Orvan and that might bother some people if they have breathing issues or sensitivities. I don't smoke and I aim to keep it that way.

Due to Orvan's bulk (oxen are not small animals), the bulk of parcels for delivery, and questionable practices by both the TSA and airlines, Orvan does not fly. That means where he goes, I have to drive there - from southern Minnesota.

So what do you need?

1. A place to sleep and use as a changing and staging area.
2. A place to sleep along the way if the event is more than a day's drive for me. I don't need anything fancy. A non-smoky space for my sleeping bag does nicely.
3. A guide or guides (I understand people have their own reason to be someplace and who wants to follow an ox around all the time?) to get Orvan to delivery recipients. (I don't know everyone and as Orvan my vision is rather limited.) Also, it'd be nice if the guide would take pictures of the deliveries.
4. Ideas for who to deliver things to and what those things ought to be.

What are the guidelines for delivery items?

1. Items should be appreciated, or at least taken as amusing, by the recipients. A friendly tweak is fine, a nasty zap is not. I have to survive the bit, and other potential recipients shouldn't be given reason to expect anything actually nasty.
2. Items should be inexpensive. I have to buy them or the stuff to make them. Even with just a few items, it can add up fast.
3. Items should be small. I have to haul them. And Orvan. And luggage. That's not just my stuff, but a few changes of clothes for Orvan, and support supplies for dealing with last-minute items.
4. If you supply any items, I would like to know the dimensions in advance so I can prepare packaging.
5. As much as possible, it should be a surprise for the recipient.
6. ACME is not Santa Claus. Please do not suggest items for yourself. It'd spoil the surprise. See #5.

Of course if you have an idea for setting up a bit at a specific time or event, such as opening or closing ceremonies, I will certainly work with you. And if there is a time or place that you want Orvan to not be present, that will certainly be respected.

What are your fees?

Technically, I don't have any. I do not make a living doing this and as much I might wish it were, ACME Delivery is not a profit-making enterprise. However, I have no trouble with having my costs offset whenever possible. My costs are: actual delivery items, packaging materials, motorfuel, hotel or motel space, event registration, candy (the Cow Tales shtick), food, and probably a few other things I'm forgetting. I should probably set up a PayPal account for anyone feeling generous enough to toss a bit my way for such things.

What this means is that the more help I get, whether monetary, work and sleep space, or delivery items, the more likely it is that I can make it to an event. On my own, I can only make two or three events per year. With assistance, that number goes up.

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