Did you order something that explodes? It's amazing how often I get asked this question. Yet while there have been a few explosive deliveries these are actually quite rare. The vast majority of deliveries are appreciated by the recipient. A few have caused bewilderment. Since I've been handling ACME's convention deliveries none of the parcels have exploded - unless the recipient managed to detonate something one way or another. You never can be sure with rocket scientists, for example.
I started working for ACME in 1997, though my job did not involve public or customer contact for a few years. I started delivering for ACME in 2000 and in 2006 I was assigned to handle ACME's convention deliveries.
It wasn't my intent originally to work for ACME. I had been working for the United States Postal Service for several years when someone claimed I was violating their "Zero Tolerance Policy" about weapons by having horns. I left USPS rather than put up with such nonsense. (Horn tipping and even dehorning was suggested. What part of your anatomy would you get amputated to placate an employer with whimsically shifting policies?) ACME turned out to be the one Equal Opportunity Employer that really was. I've seen more species working for ACME than anywhere else, save the entertainment industry.
There are many possibilities, but one does stand out from the rest. It was a delivery to HMCS Halifax while she was taking part in some exercises not long before Operation Apollo. Having to swim out in the Atlantic and get aboard a foreign (even if friendly) military vessel was rather more adventure than I really cared for.
Live animals. Not because of the animals themselves, but because I know what will happen to them.
Yes. However, in accordance with ACME company policy, I do not solicit tips. I can accept a tip but I won't ask for one.
7. Your name is Ox and yet on the ACME FAQ page the answer to question 4 says you are a bull. Isn't that contradictory?
No. I am indeed a bull, let's get that clear right off. Ox is a quite old name, meaning "bovine." It has come to mean a bovine with an education, though admittedly the education of quadrupedal oxen tends to be rather limited with only a few words and some of those (like 'gee' and 'haw' for turning right and left respectively) not in common usage. Such oxen are often neither cows nor bulls (poor fellows) and that is where the confusion comes from. It's curious how often this comes up. Few ask me directly but I do hear the whispers. I wonder if the folks who go on about this also figure that anyone named Cooper must make barrels and everyone named Smith must have a forge and anvil.
And here's the rest of the last question. No, it's not about ACME policy. Although the policy does discourage piercings, in my case a nose ring would be accepted under a Traditional Dress clause. I don't have a nose ring simply because I don't want one. Bulls are fitted with nose rings as a means of control. "Lead by the nose" has a very real meaning. I don't want anyone trying to control me by grabbing some bit of overbuilt jewelry, and I also just don't like the idea of having piercings. I don't even care for needles, but at least vaccination has a sound medical reason.
9. How did that calendar come about?
You know that section of the employment agreement or job description that reads "and other duties as may be assigned"? That calendar was an "other duty" that was assigned.
No, or at least I didn't think so. When I do a vanity search on Google I find that many people give me a middle name: the. Evidently I am "Orvan the Ox" to some. I suppose I should feel honored, having bestowed on me the same middle name as the famous Kermit the Frog.